Birthday Reflections: 5 + 4 = 9
Today is my birthday. I’m 54. Five plus four equals nine, a number of completion, of new beginnings, of transformation. And that math feels right for where I am at this point in my life.
I’ve been sitting with this age for the last few weeks, and what keeps rising to the surface is gratitude. Deep gratitude. For simply being here. For the fact that I get to be 54. For the wisdom that’s settled in me over time. I don’t feel like I know everything. But I do feel seasoned. I feel aligned with where I’m supposed to be in my life, even though the path getting here has been anything but easy.
This is a bumpy season, and honestly, it’s been bumpy for a while. Since 2020, when I lost my mother, the ground has been unsteady. Losing my little brother Christian 2 years ago, another deep and tragic loss, only added to that weight. And there’s been more: sickness in my circle, hardship, struggle, uncertainty. Even as I write this, my best friend from high school, someone I’ve known for nearly 40 years, is watching her child navigate a serious health struggle. The tenderness of this moment is not lost on me.
And yet, through all of it, I’m still here. Healthy, relatively speaking. With a heart that is still full of gratitude.
This birthday also arrives in a moment of reckoning, not just personally, but collectively. I’ve been talking to anyone who will listen about the labor statistics for Black women. Over 300,000 of us have been pushed out, or “exited” from the workforce. That’s no accident. It’s the fallout of policy rollbacks, the gutting of DEI work, the shrinking of justice-centered spaces.
And I’m one of them. My work has always been rooted in equity, in justice, in cultural healing. And it still is, but the landscape has shifted. I’ve had to pivot. I’ve had to ask for help. There were weeks when friends sent me grocery money. I’ve borrowed from every sibling, even my dad. I’ve leaned on family in ways I never imagined I would need to.
Still, I’m learning. And the biggest lesson? We don’t survive this alone. I am not navigating this alone. Community is what carries me.
So on this solar return, I want to mark the wins that may not always be visible. I’ve been planting seeds. Quietly, steadily. And I’ve watched people I love do the same—people who’ve built lives on their own terms, in places where they can breathe. Friends who’ve bought homes in New Orleans, in Vermont, in New Jersey. Friends who’ve chased down their own visions of safety and joy.
And now, it’s my turn to finish something I’ve started.
I’m using this birthday to ask for support in bringing a long-held dream to life: a home in Ghana. This isn’t just a personal milestone. It’s part of a larger vision to create a space for artists, educators, cultural workers, and community members to rest, reconnect, and restore. A space where we can imagine, and remember ourselves whole.
To do this, I’m looking for 200 people to give $35 before the end of the month. If I can reach that goal, I can finally cross the finish line and secure the home. It’s a big ask, but I believe it’s possible. I believe in community. I believe in us.
If you can contribute—whether it’s $35 or whatever amount feels right—you’ll be part of something deeply meaningful. It would be a birthday blessing in every sense of the word.
Thank you. With love,
Cathleen
